Those Advice shared by My Dad Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to talk among men, who still hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - taking a short trip away, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."